If the break-up is fresh, not having eyes for someone new is quite normal. [ https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/by5f7x/my_ex_felt_it_was_gods_will_he_save_me/ ]2. TL;DR: Over a year out of 4 1/2 relationship and still dealing with conflicting feelings. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up nearly a year ago. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? Get rid of reminders. Press J to jump to the feed. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Over the course of our 4 1/2 year relationship, we had had several near-breakups and a couple for-real breakups where we called off the breakup before completing logistics to leave each other. Take any opportunity that makes you say "hey, this will help me move on." Part of this whole process has been to even come up with a reasonable definition of what "getting over it" is. Just remember there are others like you in your situation who are in pain everyday. My desire to drink to the passing out stage is pretty much gone as well. I'm 31 and was in a 2 year relationship with someone I told myself I would spend the rest of my life with. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. In finding love, I think it's important to be patient. It took me around 24 months to get over a 20 month relationship that ended out of nowhere. It hurts to think about your ex. ♡ FIND ALL OF THE ORIGINAL POSTS + THEIR AUTHORS HERE ♡1. See what he says. Charlie Hang 3. It helps me with perspective. MORE: How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Forever ... you’re definitely not over your ex. I guess I have a few thoughts on this. I need some advice or encouragement... none of that BS stuff. My boyfriend's EX is way hot. I still probably think about him a few times a week, though not in a way that upsets me. It’s difficult to experience feelings of longing and remembering all the good times. There is no way to "measure" how long it takes someone to move on. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. I dunno about you guys (see my post in this thread for relevance) but I'm totally over my ex, don't miss her, dream about her or get angry about her. I can't imagine any time when I "get over it" in what I take to be the usual use of the phrase, so this makes some sense to me. It helped me to take the thoughts from my mind and to give them up to the universe. I have been dating my girlfriend for about three months. It isn't one size fits all. I'm sorry to hear all that man. I feel like I'm worthless and alone. But we'll find a way through this and be happy again. Obviously, you don’t want to flat out accuse anyone of anything, but you do want to find out if she’s over her ex or not. Posted Oct 18, 2013 . However, Greer says people often keep mementos from past relationships for the memories, so it's not always a sign he’s not over his ex—but … A new relationship is all about trust, Sherman says. Many, if not most dumpees dream of hugging and kissing their ex-girlfriend after they’ve been broken up with. Published: 04 Let yourself hurt. Or he could pull you into his arms and say in a choked-up voice, "No, babe. The longing I have to review the relationship, fix this or that event in my mind, and daydream about contacting her and restarting it is something I can't resolve my feelings about. He might throw a hissy fit and demand to know why you asked, which is pretty telling. If … Some honest advice. Close. I don't consider contacting her in any fickle way - damage was done and I'd be a fool to flippantly re-engage - for both of us. Cookies help us deliver our Services. We waited 3 months to introduce our kids. That stinks. And, obviously, they're not over it. Look for these 5 red flags, and if you seem to be checking them off one by one, it might be time to have an open and honest heart to heart about your new relationship and where it stands against an old one. She sucks." I never stopped loving her, but love for me doesn't always translate into a positive relationship or one that I can ultimately be in. This helped considerably and some of the impulses - self-judgment, anger - driving me to drink were lessened. Cookies help us deliver our Services. It has to get better. Resist the urge to text or email, she suggests, and remember that what your ex needs most is to feel independent from you, not dependent on you. But, if it’s been months since your relationship ended, it might be time to begin to allow yourself to be open to love once again. He might deny it and then slowly trickle out information that he does still have feelings. I wasn't "good" enough for her or her family. Archived. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. She moved to another part of the country, back to her family. I didn't make enough money, I didn't drive a nice car, own a home, etc. Perhaps we should've just "taken a break", although I don't know if that ever actually works. I still love her and wish only the best for her. Any advice on what I should do? I have difficulty reaching out and besides that, I don't know how interested I am in courting and pursuing another serious relationship at this point. You have those feelings, and it's okay. Thanks for your thoughts. Have others been through something similar? Why in the world would you think that and why in the world didn't you tell me as soon as you thought them?". You were broken up with. If you cheated on your boyfriend or girlfriend, relationships could work after cheating, but both partners must be willing to put in the work long term. That will be just over two years for you, using that logic. He maintains contact with you when he doesn’t have to. He's popular guy whose made friends with our whole circle and they really like him, he's got his photography business traveling the world to exotic locations with beautiful women, he's a pilot, grew up in Beverly Hills, etc. 17 Major Signs Your Ex is Pretending to be Over You 1. During the final breakup I resolved not to try to renew the relationship. Mistakes were made on both ends, and I can definitely say that I was profoundly unhappy toward the end of it and all told, am doing better now. But if you do catch your ex, you truly have one of the best signs that your ex is not over you yet. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up nearly a year ago. If you can't help but feel bothered or worried that your boyfriend is not over his ex, it would be best to talk to him about it. However, if your partner says that their lack of commitment is from being "burned" in the past, then you can guess it has to do with an ex. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 'Fresh Start Guy' reveals the signs your boyfriend is still not over his ex; Be clear, open and listen carefully to what he has to say, advises Manj ; By Katie Strick For Mailonline. He comes up in conversation often . By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Report Save. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. My girlfriend is not over her ex. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes, I find myself getting all nostalgic and weepy over ex-boyfriends I haven't spoken to or seen in a year or two. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! So his daughter started liking to come around him more because of my daughter and I️ . If you want the relationship to work, it is something both partners should want and believe can work. A lot of good comments in here that I needed to read. Your instincts are probably right. Close. I wouldn’t stick around for a guy who’s done stuff like that. I asked a close friend of the boyfriend… and he said it was a gift from his ex. Try to understand and accept that it wasn't meant to work out. Conventional wisdom where I am from, is that it takes you half the time of the relationship course to get over it. Everything has been going pretty well but for some reason I cant shake this feeling that my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex. I️ would watch them, and they where best friends. My boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother for a little over a year and couldn't be more in love (we just moved in together!). After a breakup, when two people are one hundred percent sure that it is over, the first thing that comes to their mind is getting rid of all the things that accumulated during the time they spent together. I don't have a loving family or anyone in my life I can go to for love. Is this just the result of having little social life, a more or less unsatisfying job, and celibacy - all allowing me to stew on the past for over a year? I did everything for her and tried my hardest to be the best boyfriend I could. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community. It's weird but this uptick in mental health has allowed some more nuanced and harder-to-deal-with feelings to come up. My ex boyfriend and I️ where dating for 6 months. It's actually been worse lately where I find myself just constantly thinking about her : 15. share. Most importantly don't let yourself become bitter or regress in anyway. I have started hitting the gym a bit. 34. Be honest with him about your concerns. And if this is not the case with your ex-boyfriend / ex-girlfriend , there are two possible reasons for it. During the final breakup I resolved not to try to renew the relationship. Anyway, she said that no matter what happened, I could still love him, and being able to do that set me free. It hurts to be in a breakup (as I’m sure you know). Continue this thread level 2. If Your Boyfriend Is Friends With An Ex, It Could Jeopardize Your Relationship In These 3 Situations . Reddit help. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I try not to get jealous in relationships. If you’re not OK with your current partner’s contact with an ex, say so. It's been 2 years and I'm still trying to get over a 6 year relationship. SHARE. Accept it and don't question whether or not you "should" feel that way. Not letting go of a former love may help us hold on to our loving selves. Something that helped me was to write a letter, just talking about my feelings, and then I burned it. I really wanted to build a life and a future with him, but he was struggling with his own issues that made him into someone that wasn't the best person. My confidence is not so great I suppose. Sit him down without alcohol and say point-blank, "I think you still have feelings for your ex. I thought I had moved on but I just found out she has a bf. You just do. It took me four years to get over one relationship, and a day for another. Your partner may not have cut the cord. Archived. What makes this particularly difficult for me are the lingering feelings about the relationship. more: The Top Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex So when you think about it, the harder your ex seems to be trying to move on, the more likely it is that he’s actually not over you – and that he actually has strong feelings for you. We were friends before we started dating. Even if he says he wants you in his life, you have to remember that you deserve no less than a man who is capable of letting go of his ex. "Oh, my ex used to live in this building we're walking past. My girlfriend is not over her ex. My boyfriend's EX is way hot. 1. I spent all of my money on her for nice vacations and what not. Lastly I want to quote a line from my favorite comic 'Y: The Last Man': "you'll be fine... just go out there and get your heart broken in, so it'll be ready when you really need it.". It doesn't sound like you're in the right place for dating yet, but try new things that make you feel happy, and continue with your counseling sessions. Your relationship was over twice as long, just give it time. This is why (reasons).". Aug. 24, 2016, 8:37 PM UTC / Source: TODAY. And it was heart breaking. Some have really shared from their own experience and I really appreciate that. After realizing that my friend's boyfriend was keeping relics of his ex lying a round, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. They are not worth your time - and they no longer have a thing to do with you. … I simply wasn't good enough for her. So I come here trying to read comments that will make me try to see the bright side of life. Let him know how you feel when he talks about his ex or makes it obvious that he isn't over her. Is this something I should actually pursue, or am I being foolish? I don't still have feelings for her. According to experts, this is what regrets after a breakup might really mean. I started to feel like I️ was only being used for the kids. It just so happens that sex is also one of those cravings people get addicted to. Write out the things you'd want her to know or the things you'd want to say to her, and let them go. I haven't been on any dates or been intimate with anyone since the breakup. He reassured me that he liked me a lot even if I️ didnt have a kid. He and I don't talk, and I'm not going to be the one to ever message him first. So don't worry, it's all normal and expected, just take care of yourself. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. If your girlfriend’s not over her ex boyfriend and you feel like she’s distracted and not focused on you, then this article will show you what to do to capture her attention and stop her pining over her ex. Alright to get ready to brace yourself for a very long post. Takes longer for some people. Over the course of our 4 1/2 year relationship, we had had several near-breakups and a couple for-real breakups where we called off the breakup before completing logistics to leave each other. Indifference is the most powerful state to be in and is exactly the opposite of your ex being over you. There's no real magic number or switch for this. I still can't date anyone. We broke up because the relationship was just unworkable for both of us. Your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is probably the last person you want to talk about, but if his feelings for her show no sign of subsiding, you need to discuss them. Only you can decide if you'd genuinely want to restart this relationship with her, and I suppose that will happen if it's meant to, but first, focus on forgiving yourself and building yourself up again. My boyfriend(25) and I(F24) have been dating for a little bit over a year now. It gave me the space to respect him and any choices he made, while still being able to (mentally) send him the warmth and love and comfort that I wanted to give him while we were together. Report Save. Time, distractions, and distance are your best friends here. 1. I started feeling better until last week she started emailing me about canceling our joint phone bill. You name it, he checks the list. There’s a reason why your girlfriend is focused on her ex boyfriend and it is well within your control to turn this situation around. 6. share. In the immediate aftermath I engaged in a lot of drinking but eventually got myself to a counselor for a few sessions. Use statements that begin "I feel" so that he doesn't think you are attacking him. It's been 6 months for me. Reddit; Pocket; Flipboard; Pinterest; Linkedin; Behavior. After a breakup, it can be excruciating to deal with all of this, but, before doing anything rash — like sliding into your ex's DMs — you should consider what's going on behind the scenes. Should I see another counselor/therapist? It's sucks and hurts like hell some days. By Alison Segel. It's not what you want to hear, but it's a matter of time more than anything else. That’s not exactly ideal—neither is him eventually having a lightbulb moment that he’s not over his ex, which is sometimes what happens in this scenario. A person who has been able to heal from a breakup is able to reconnect with another partner. Anyone would want the pain of that to stop. Cut all contact. Thanks man. "For example, if your partner has a problem with commitment, but it's unrelated to past baggage in relationships, then it's not about an ex. I'm really tired of living in the past. Casual hookups could be fun, but I find it really hard for an introverted guy to do this - without lots of alcohol to boot. TWEET. By The Threesome Advice Panel. Aug. 31, 2017. I don't think about her really, not in the way you guys mean, but I am reminded of her when something relevant happens. EMAIL. February will be four years since the break up. Reddit help. Should I just get laid, if at all possible? Perhaps this was a sign that he was not ready to let his ex go. Posted by 4 years ago. I wish that things were different, but I accept that they aren't, and I love him anyway. Is he ready to commit? She moved to another part of the country, back to her family. 4 years ago. 13. While this doesn't entirely help with closure, a friend once gave me advice right when I was on the spur of what ultimately became a breakup, as I was venting about how I couldn't tell where my ex was regarding our relationship. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. It's almost two years for me and I'm not over her. You send him “subtle” messages . I have been up and down since then, and lately - about a year out from the actual breakup - I find I still miss her a lot. Maybe some of the key to moving forward is to forgive yourself and her, to still keep a place to house that love for her and the good times that you've had. I think there are certain people you'll meet in your life that you'll always feel drawn back towards, and that's just okay. This is my first serious relationship. edit: Thank you everyone for your comments this has been really helpful, just to hear this range of replies. One may feel insecure about deception, but it is an opportunity to confront unwanted feelings and work to improve relations. You're not worthless and you definitely need to remove that gf, her family and her new beau from your life. By Natasha Burton. 9 signs he's not over his ex. Jun 30, 2016 at 8:28 PM . She's not completely over her ex, should I still pursue her? Need help with your relationship? This implies that as long as your ex keeps an eye on you, he or she cares to some degree. It’s a natural human response to want that which we can’t have. Posted by 9 years ago. It’s bizarre in fact, given how discontent I was.